Written By: Angie Noll
If I had a dollar for every time I asked the universe why my children chose me as their mother, I would be rich. The fact is that sometimes I feel like a dismal failure. I make mistakes, I screw up (again) and I worry about the psychological damage that all my errors are causing my kids. Very often I feel like I must be the only mother who doesn’t always know how to be a mother. Too many times I just don’t get it right.
However, luckily I have yet to meet a mother who hasn’t at least once felt like she wants to run away. Or simply get in her car and drive until she runs out of fuel. For some, leaving this life all together sounds like a viable option that’s at least worth considering.
Without wanting to minimise the depth and validity of these intense feelings that we can all experience, especially as mothers, there is one simple tool that I can offer to you that might just lighten up your energy enough for you to get through this particular day. Because tomorrow is another day.
If I find myself wondering why on earth my children chose me to be their mother, when I can’t seem to get it right with them, I remind myself that they chose me for me. They chose me knowing that I come with certain limitations, but also with some gifts. And when we’re struggling, perhaps it is because. It’s time to change the tool and change the perspective by focusing on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
Ask yourself, what are your gifts or talents? Some of my gifts, for instance, are:
- A sense of humour
- The ability to throw caution to the wind
- Empathy and understanding
- Looking at life spiritually, seeing the bigger picture
- A love of nature and sunshine
So now, when I feel overwhelmed by my shortcomings, I focus on my gifts instead and parent from that empowered space, rather than from the constricted place of my limitations. I bring humour back into our communications, I let go of control where I can and I often turn to art and creativity to bring us back together again. Or I haul family out into nature and let Mother Earth work her magic on us.
This is an incredibly simple tool, but really powerful. As you work with your own strengths and talents to help you through difficult days, encourage your children to do the same.
It’s easy to dismiss our creative talents as ‘nothing’. We fall for the fallacy that becuase we don’t build economic empires, earn a 6 figure income or fit into the scientic and rational world ease, that we have nothing of real value to offer our kids. We do – even if it’s a love for the texture of fabric, for the smell of oil paints or for the wound of words.
And when they’re stuck in a rut of some sort, guide them back to their own talents, so that they can also learn to interact with life and its challenges from a position of self–empowered strength, rather than from weakness.
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